How to avoid holiday stress
The holidays are a time to reunite with family and friends, but the season can also bring an unwelcomed guest — stress.
To keep stress levels low during the season, it’s important to remember the intention behind it, said Sara Smith of Sara Smith Wellness, LLC.
“There are a lot of expectations around the holidays. We have this idea in our head of what it should look like,” said the Onancock-based physical therapist and life coach. “When there are jam-packed schedules coupled with this lofty expectation. … It’s too much. It creates a crash and burn.
“It’s like anything — when you have an expectation, sometimes you’re going to be let down.”
To avoid a holiday burnout, Smith suggests setting an intention or desire for the holiday in three words.
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“When you’ve got 20 things to do in one day … you can go back to ‘peaceful, thankful, family,’ and remember, ‘That’s why I’m doing this,’” she said.
Cape Charles-based psychotherapist Barbara Brown said the holidays create both financial stress due to expectations and the stress of family dynamics.
“Some of us get distracted with making it look perfect in hopes of that helping it being perfect,” Brown said. “Often, perfectionism is an attempt for approval, which is nice, but not the same as love.”
Her suggestion: Set realistic expectations and give up perfectionism.
“Let it just be good enough, so you can focus on more important things, like listening and loving and having fun together,” Brown said.
Rather than being “superwoman,” she recommends allowing others to help with holiday gathering and taking time to regroup without feeling guilty.
“I take breaks. I give myself permission to go for long walks and not feel like I have to be social consistently,” Brown said. “It might only take 30 minutes, but can put you in a great mood to go back into the room.”
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Another way to manage stress is to plan ahead and be realistic when setting schedules, Smith said.
Looking at schedules at the start of the day or week can help people realize what they can realistically accomplish, and that helps them make choices, she said.
“It’s life-changing, because you start getting really realistic with yourself about your time and then you can start going, ‘Does it fit in with my intention or my desire for the holiday?'” she said.
“All of a sudden, the stress goes away because we realize we have a choice," Smith said. "Even if we choose to make ourselves busy, it’s a conscious choice. It’s when we start losing control and we feel like we’re being pushed all over the place in our schedule — that’s when we start feeling stressed.”
Choice also comes in the form of holiday eating, which can be a major source of guilt for some.
“It’s not fair to put the pressure on ourselves that we’re going to do it perfectly every hour of the day,” Smith said.
Instead, she suggests balance by being more aware while eating.
“It goes back to choosing,” Smith said. “If you’re more aware, then later you actually can go, ‘Okay, I ate this, so now I think I’m going to balance that with a salad or a sweet potato.’”
Choosing colorful foods such as fruits and vegetables, serving moderate portions and drinking plenty of water can balance holiday eating, too.
“The big thing I try to do is keep it simple,” Brown said of her holiday celebrations.
“People won’t remember how beautiful your house looked or count the presents in 10 years, but they will remember the good conversation or closeness they felt,” she said.
Those feeling especially overwhelmed can seek outside resources such as Psychology Today, which includes advice and a therapist search option, Brown said.
The Eastern Shore Community Services Board also offers mental health resources on their website.
Visit www.sarasmithwellness.com for more information on Smith and www.barbarambrown.com to learn more about Brown.