Sex tips from Dr. Ruth

Famed radio host and sex therapist Dr. Ruth Westheimer got the Big O last week at the University of Delaware.

A standing ovation, that is. Anyone familiar with Westheimer knows that any topic except one is on the table for the soon-to-be 88 year old to discuss, from ejaculation to masturbation. The exception? Her own sex life.

"I'm basically old-fashioned and a square," Westheimer said as she addressed a crowd of college students and community members at Loudis Recital Hall on the University of Delaware's campus.

Hillel, the university's Jewish student federation, invited Westheimer, who pioneered the radio talk show "Sexually Speaking" in the 1980s, to campus to talk about her life and for a fundraiser.

The discussion, sexually and politically charged at times, ranged from tales of Westheimer's early life escaping the Holocaust and as a sniper with Israel's Haganah, Jewish freedom fighters, to advice for older adults to spice up time in the bedroom.

UD senior Alexa Alter said her mom, an avid Dr. Ruth fan, pushed her to go see the sexpert. Alter said she is glad she did; she and her friends particularly liked Westheimer's advice on sex as you age – "don't retire, rewire" – and her encouragement for women to embrace their sexual fantasies.

"She's great," said Alter, 21.

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Newark residents Catriona and Stuart Binder-Macleod enjoyed hearing the therapist's love for Israel and reveled in how she made talking about sex OK for everyone. Westheimer has melded her love of Jewish religion and culture with progressive, nontraditional sex tips. Stuart also appreciated how comfortable and freely the students at the event asked questions about sex.

"I think there's much larger societal changes," he said. "I think young adults know a bit more."

​Weshtheimer was born in Germany in 1928 and then was sent to an orphanage at age 10 to escape the Holocaust. By the time she turned 17, she moved to Israel and fought for the country's independence with the Haganah, the Jewish freedom fighters.

"I can still put five bullets in the red circle," she said.

She taught kindergarten and then delved into the science of human sexuality once she came to the United States.

Westheimer said she always felt an obligation to give back to the next generation, but she never expected how.

"I didn't know it was going to be my talking about orgasms," she said.

Twice named "College Lecturer of the Year," Westheimer is known for her frank but endearing comments. Here are some of the poignant nuggets she discussed during and after her talk:

Channel a turtle

Take a risk, stick your neck out.

If a turtle stays in one place, it is safe, Westheimer said. If the turtle wants to move, physiologically, he must stick his neck out in order to take a step forward.

"It doesn't move unless he sticks his neck out," she said.

Over 50? have sex in the morning 

Relearn how you like sex as you age, she said. For instance, hormones are more powerful in the morning. Have breakfast, go to the bathroom, then hop back in bed and get busy in the A.M.

Take politics out of abortion

Westheimer mostly discussed sex Wednesday, but she also got a bit political.

"Abortion must be a public health issue ... and not an issue for politicians," she said as the recital hall erupted in applause. She also threw out a controversial stance related to sexual assault, adding that if two people end up naked in bed, the time for saying no has passed. It's a stance she's publicly taken before and has received some backlash for it.

Friends with benefits?

"Catastrophe," the therapist said. Friends with benefits never ends well, she said. You want a lover who is genuinely your friend, one who smiles when you enter a room.

"Not just a friend from an orgasm," Westheimer said.

Ladies, be direct

Women have to take responsibility for their own satisfaction.

"Even the best lover cannot guess what she needs," she said. If you are a bit hesitant to talk about sex, write down what you want on a piece of paper and give it to your partner at night.

Have sex when you are ready

Don't feel pressured; have sex based on your own ideals or morality.

Want a healthy relationship?

First, it has to be a relationship, never mind the sex, Westheimer said.

Once you've established the relationship, get sexually literate.

"You have to read some books," she said.

Tell your partner what you need.

"You have to be loyal," she added. "And I am old-fashioned and a square and I hope that leads to marriage."

Jen Rini can be reached at (302)324-2386 or jrini@delawareonline.com. Follow @JenRini on Twitter.