Matt Haley remembered as humble, caring, resilient

Manicured green lawn, pristine white chairs, hedges neatly mowed. Matt Haley's life wasn't as clean as the public ceremony marking his death.

More than 2,000 people gathered Sunday at The Freeman Stage in Selbyville to pay their respects to the local restauranteur and philanthropist who died in a motorcycle crash in India on Aug. 20, according to the Joshua M. Freeman Foundation. At the time, he was traveling for six weeks through India to Nepal, for adventure and to deliver stoves to a Nepali village.

"He lived like a rock star and, unfortunately, he died like a rock star," his friend David Rothner said.

His girlfriend, Michelle Freeman, talked about the man she would have married. She praised the type of person he was.

"He was a poet and a photographer, a friend and a romantic, he was a struggler and a true teacher, he was fierceful and he was calming. He was a comedian, he was a healer, he was a painter and a motivator. He was a great curser," she said.

"His cancer, his addiction, the fights he may have had, all that is gone. All that is gone. I think that today he only knows happiness, joyousness and freedom."

Speakers didn't just remember the good things Haley did, but also the bad — and how he overcame them to become the owner of eight restaurants in Delaware. Haley was a James Beard Award winner, and more than 24 years sober from drug and alcohol addiction.

Haley also spent four years in jail. Who could have imagined the outcome, decades later, Gov. Jack Markell asked: politicians, business owners, chefs, a whole community lining up to say their goodbyes. Markell spoke about eating dinner with Haley this past summer, and how he and his wife knew it would be a valuable experience for their kids.

"To learn what wit, and resilience, and optimism, and humility can achieve, and I was right. Because it was a meal I'll never forget as our kids listened intently to Matt share his story," Markell said.

Haley recently donated kitchen equipment to a culinary program for female offenders at Sussex Community Corrections Center, Markell said, but the real value was in the time and advice he gave the women.

"He was a model of what is possible for those who struggle to find their way," Markell said. "Matt used his troubled beginning in life to discover what really matters. Pulling himself back from trauma and addiction and incarceration, he became one of Delaware's most admired citizens and leaders."

The visit to the center in Sussex was all in a day's work for Haley, Markell said.

"From adopting orphans in Nepal, to counseling prison inmates and supporting isolated immigrants he met through La Esperanza, he changed everybody who knew him with his love," he said.

Haley's brother, Tommy, also spoke during the service, discussing the transformation he saw his brother go through.

"I was blessed to truly be able to see somebody's life," he said. "I got to see somebody change, which took such courage and humility."

At any moment, Haley could have chosen to relapse, his friend Steve Himmelfarb said.

"I remember Matt telling me that he sees each and every second as a new opportunity to make either a good or a bad decision," he said. "In each and every waking moment, all of us have the opportunity to give something of ourselves, even if we just give a smile."

Haley's business partner, Scott Kammerer, thought back to the first time he met Haley, on a sunny Thursday on the steps of Epworth United Methodist Church in Rehoboth Beach.

"Matt Haley was a force of nature. After that day I was certain of three things. One, he is sober now, but goddamn he did a lot of drugs. He was one hell of a chef, he told me that 12 times that day. He also told me punched over a hundred people in the face in his life," Kammerer said. "I also learned he liked to curse a lot. He was no Easter bunny, I'll tell you that. I went home and told me wife, 'I think I finally made a friend today.' "

rpacella@dmg.gannett.com